Fantasy Celebrity Big Brother - Week 1
Welcome to our new feature, Fantasy Celebrity Big Brother. This is going to be so good, let's have a countdown.
5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1...
We've enjoyed watching bits of Celebrity Big Brother at the moment, but David Gest turned out to be a bit boring didn't he? Not worth the half a million quid they paid him.
And it was all a bit uncomfortable when they told Angie Bowie that her ex-husband David Bowie had died. Big Brother certainly milked that for the ratings.
Anyway, this got us thinking and dreaming about who we'd want to have in our Big Brother House, a bit like a fantasy football team. So, we've called this feature - Fantasy Celebrity Big Brother, or FCBB for short.
And we're going to be interviewing our dream housemates on our main podcasts for the next few episodes.
And in our house we've got some huuuuge celebs, so let's go over to the house now and have a quick chat with some of them.
Can I say this bit Nia, I've always wanted to do a Davina or Emma.
Go for it Liv, and get ready for the cheering crowds. 3, 2, 1, go.
Fantasy Celebrity Big Brother House, this is Nia and Liv. You are live on the NiliPOD, please do not swear.
Hello guys. Hi Dan and Phil, Adele, Justin Bieber, Zoella, Joe and Caspar, Jedward, Taylor Swift, Daniel Radcliffe and all the rest of you guys living in our fantasy house for the next few weeks, or months, depending on how it goes.
Hi Ed Sheeran. Is Taylor Swift looking after you?
[She gave me a bacon sandwich once]
Bless her. She's a feeder isn't she?! And hello to Simon Cowell, having fun Simon?
[There are moments in my life that I regret and this may be one of them]
Suit yourself grumpy pants. Chill out Simon, and pull your trousers up.
So, let's have a quick chat with Adele. Don't swear mind, we know you've got a bit of a potty mouth. Hi Adele. How are you getting on in the Big Brother house?
[It is going really well]
Do you like the trendy kitchen?
[It is too hot for me, it is like 100 degrees]
Gosh, that is hot. Is it right that you are afraid of using the kettle?!
[To be honest, I got a bit burnt back in May, around my birthday as well]
Sorry to hear that Adele, and around your birthday as well.
And how are you getting on using a shared toilet? OK?
[Yeah, it is number one still]
OK, still number ones, that is good to hear I guess. Maybe eat more bran at breakfast time. Now then, what happened this morning?
[I'd woken up and I had a really embarrassing encounter with someone when I woke up]
Was it with Simon Cowell?
[Laugh, yeah, it is horrible]
Bit harsh there Adele. We heard you did a great big fart
[Yeah, ...I didn't have time to put anything on and then a gust of wind come]
Oh no. Naked farting is the worst. Everyone laughed didn't they?
[But I had no-one to laugh with, it was awful]
Awful, just awful. We could smell it from here!
Have we got time for a quick chat with Justin Bieber Liv?
Yes, I Belieber so Nia.
Let's go over to Justin then. Hi Justin Bieber. Are we paying you enough?
[I'd say so, probably a couple of hundred thousand at least]
Oh, that is quite a lot, but then you are a superstar these days.
[Yeah, I had my doubts, like am I really ready for this?]
Yeah you are, you were made for this, born for this.
[I was made for this, was born for this]
Yes, we just said that to you, copycat Justin. Now you and Taylor Swift saw Simon Cowell without his clothes on didn't you?
[Yeah for sure, 100 percent. But the thing that bothered me about it most was that people magnify things.]
Gross. What did you say to Taylor when you saw him?
[It is - a beautiful moment.]
Nice, 'it is a beautiful moment!'
[It was out of my control.]
Mmmm. Are you sure you want to be talking about this live on the NiliPOD Justin?
[Yeah, I'm talking about really personal stuff]
Yes, we appreciate your honesty Justin. We like your last single by the way?
[What do you mean?]
We mean we really like it.
No, he means it is called 'What Do You Mean?' Sorry.
No, that's his other one. What do you mean?
And more about Simon Cowell the exhibitionist on the next main podcast, when we talk to Taylor Swift about her awkward moment when she bumped into him in the bathroom, literally.
Yes, and we might even get to interview Joe Sugg, Jedward and Ed Sheeran, hopefully, and perhaps David Beckham - perhaps.
Bye then Big Brother housemates, back to your meaningless task.
We've left them counting grains of rice and couscous, and sorting them into piles. That sounds like a great game, although I'm sure there'll be arguments soon about nothing. There usually is in the Fantasy Celebrity Big Brother House.